My life in a movie for an audience of one, me.

How much I've changed.

I'd love to sit by Jesus's side and watch my life as if it were a movie. This thought would have never crossed my mind just a year ago. If it did, it would have sounded too narcissistic for me to admit it. But in this strange place that I am at in my life journey, it seems like a lot of my thoughts are about pondering who I am and why.  

I want to say that watching my life movie is one thing I want to do when I get to heaven, but... I don't think I'd care to when I'm there. It wouldn't matter anymore, would it? The fullness of His presence would be too captivating for me to wonder about my life here on earth, wouldn't it? Ahhh... in His presence, "I am not in want." Forreal.

But since I'm still here on earth, there are some thoughts running through my mind. And as I watch the movie with my arm holding onto His, I would ask Him and tell Him...

"What were you thinking here?"
"Did your heart break that day?"
"What should I have done that day?"
"How did you feel when I finally repented?"
"I am sorry about that day.."
"Thank you for changing my life!"

I guess I could tell him these things today! After writing down the questions, they seem so silly.

But there are questions unanswered and roots of issues in my life that are unknown to me. Father, do I not have to wait until heaven to learn more about myself? To learn more about this person that you died for? I want to know me and know you. I am a mystery, and so are you. I see dimly today, but I will see clearly one day, face to face with me and with you!

ps. Baked a cake yesterday. Just because. It had been too long without baking. Yay!