#daddyissues

"What the crap."

That was my thought when my dad told me this morning that we're canceling our dinner date tonight. Actually, a dinner appointment is more like it.

My dad recently finished a forty-day fast. When he started, I asked him what he was praying about (I knew the answer already). His response was that he'll tell me after the fast is over. He finished last week. Earlier this week (three days ago) he told me, "I have something to tell you. We need to talk." Okay, finally. We decided that we'd talk "Thursday," today. But not anymore. Sigh.

Apparently, he's concluded that there are some things you can share and some things you cannot/should not share with your daughter. Well.... ok. Then why stir up my thoughts and involve me at all from the beginning? Yes, maybe (probably) this is something I need to be praising God about for the discernment He gave my dad; maybe it IS better that I don't know. But it's just frustrating.

Btw, if it were a date, the fact that he decided he wouldn't share with me what his fast was about, what he concluded, etc. wouldn't have mattered. We would have still met. But it wasn't about us spending time together from the beginnng. The message was the point, and when the message went away, so did the "appointment."

I knew that the fast was about him and my mom. "Division" sums up their relationship. They are not one. So... it (whatever "it" is - their relationship, their lack of, etc.) affects me. There were talks about me moving out  because we would no longer have a home together (my dad's m.o. is/was that his daughter does not move out  before marriage). So, this affects me not only emotionally and spiritually, but also physically and logistically.      Thus this morning, I naturally just felt entitled to know whatever there is to know because it affects me. "I have the right to know!" I thought.

But maybe I don't.

One thing my dad told me after he canceled on me was, "Get married sooner than later. And don't ever get a divorce. It takes away everything." What am I supposed to conclude from that? What is he trying to communicate relationally beyond the literal words? Does that imply my need to move out (for the third time)? Does that mean they aren't getting a divorce? Does it mean that they are? I believe that they are not. My dad is not convinced that divorce is the better option (thank you God that he fears you!). Neither does he believe that the status quo is. Huh. That only means that he has another option/choice in mind! 

On another note, I found out this morning that a good friend's dad passed away and that my co-worker's dad who recently had a heart attack had a relapse. Okay.

All these daddy issues. God, what are you trying to say through these circumstances of the people around me? My ultimate Father in heaven, q intentas comunicar a mi?